Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
