she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
