I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
