Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
