Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
