Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
