Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
