You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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