I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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