Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
