You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He passed out mid-signature
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
