is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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