I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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