if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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