Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
