I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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