That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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