I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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