the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
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