Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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