So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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