Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
