There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
