At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
