You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
