just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
