recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
