Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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