Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
