Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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