nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
