so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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