it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My dick has a subreddit
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
