we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
