You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
