My liver just broke up with me...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
