You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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