I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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