I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
