It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
