Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
