I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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