Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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