even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
