Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
