omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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