i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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