You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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