Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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