"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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