to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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